The Onion perfectly illustrates my growing resistance to attending academic conferences

From the Onion:

Following what they deemed to be a peculiar interaction with a number of possible implications, the nation’s top overthinkers gathered for an intensive three-day symposium this week to determine what that’s supposed to mean.

Thousands of overthinkers from across the country, who were seen furrowing their brows and squinting intently, convened in the auditorium at the New York Hilton in Midtown Manhattan in an effort to closely scrutinize the words that had been said and ascertain what—if anything—had been the actual intention behind the exchange in question.