Is that a cell phone or a walkie talkie?

http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/Mark_Trail/2013-10-18/

Nothing to lose? I'm no attorney, but recording a conversation without permission might be illegal. But nevermind, like an idiot, Mark let the battery on his giant cell phone run down before he planted it. So, Mark is going to bluff an obnoxious, and potentially dangerous if you ask me, Big Oil Company lobbyist who is also somehow the "right hand man" for The Senator (isn't it against the rules for someone in Congress to employ a lobbyist?) with a taped conversation that isn't.

What could go wrong? In reverse order of importance:

1. Johnny Walker teases Mark Trail about the size of his cellphone.
2. Johnny Walker loses it and beats the heck out of Mark Trail.
3. The Senator is disgusted by Mark's shady tactics, introduces the Lost National Forest Development Aact and gets rich developing the heck out of Lost National Forest.
4. Johnny Walker steals Mark Trail's giant cell phone while he is tracking the wounded "old buck" Elk, breaks the antiquated security system is seconds, downloads Mark's embarrassing selfies and shuts Mark up forever. 
5. Mark Trail goes to jail for illegally recording a private conversation.
6. I continue to obsess about the faulty logic and contrived exclamatory conversations in Mark Trail leading to duel collapses of my research agenda (and I'm using that word loosely) and teaching evaluations, a scolding from the upper administration of the university and a continuation of my public humiliation.