From the inbox:
Dear Dr. [pathetic loser],
I regret to inform you that I must reject your paper for publication in "(second tier) Journal of [You'll Never, Ever Publish a Paper Here]". I enjoyed reading it, and I certainly found the topic very interesting. "(First tier) Journal of [You'll Never, Ever Publish a Paper Here]" has published some excellent work regarding [your stupid topic]. However, I believe that your paper is more focused on [a topic only an idiot would spend a significant amount of time on], which gives it a narrower potential audience. In its current form, I think the paper may be a better fit for [a couple of journals off the top of my head that I don't think will send your paper out for review either].
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work.
I regret to inform you that I must reject your paper for publication in "(second tier) Journal of [You'll Never, Ever Publish a Paper Here]". I enjoyed reading it, and I certainly found the topic very interesting. "(First tier) Journal of [You'll Never, Ever Publish a Paper Here]" has published some excellent work regarding [your stupid topic]. However, I believe that your paper is more focused on [a topic only an idiot would spend a significant amount of time on], which gives it a narrower potential audience. In its current form, I think the paper may be a better fit for [a couple of journals off the top of my head that I don't think will send your paper out for review either].
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work.
Note: I enjoyed a desk rejection from (First tier) Journal of [You'll Never, Ever Publish a Paper Here] exactly two weeks ago!
