From The Onion (FEMA unveils ...):
The Federal Emergency Management Agency on Monday unveiled its new
$48.2 million Phone Tree Response System, a program designed to alert
every American in the event of a large-scale disaster. "The safety of
our great nation is the responsibility of all 300 million of its
citizens, so make sure you memorize the names and phone numbers of the
three people you are supposed to call," said acting FEMA administrator
Nancy Ward, who assured reporters that, in the event of a chemical or
biological attack, President Obama would be notified first so that he
could inform Vice President Joe Biden, Defense Secretary Robert Gates,
and Meredith Soto of Winslow, AZ. "Remember: If they don't pick up,
leave a message telling them there's a national emergency, and then
call the next name listed in the 176,935-page, 253-volume directory
until someone answers." According to FEMA officials, regular tests of
the phone tree will be conducted on a semiweekly basis to identify any
numbers that are no longer in service.
How do they expect this to work? Wow, another big and stupid government program.
