Exxon Mobil made history on Friday by reporting the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company.
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Exxon, the world's largest publicly traded oil company, said net income rose 14% to $11.66 billion, or $2.13 per share, from $10.25 billion, or $1.76 per share a year ago.
In related news, my retirement account lost money last year.
*Sarc