Things not to do at a conference

1. When you enter the room where you will give your talk and there are two other speakers and a few members of the audience, don't announce that your talk is going to be the best one.
2. When the moderator arrives, introduces himself to all the speakers and tells them they have 20-25 minutes, don't announce that you're going to need more time than that to cover your topic.
3. When you are listening to the lunchtime speaker in a side room with an obstructed view, upon completion of the talk, don't lean over to the person sitting next to you who couldn't see and say "That was so weird, I've never seen a lunchtime speaker give his talk with his shirt off before."

I tried some of these things and not everyone thinks they are as funny as I do.