How to Order a Bottle of Wine in a Restaurant1. Look at the wine list and tell the waiter which wine you want.
2. When the waiter brings it to you, take a sip.
3. If it’s OK, say it’s OK.
4. Then shut up about the wine.
5. Don’t talk about the wine anymore.
6. Nobody gives a damn how much you know about wine, OK?
7. And above all, don’t keep sloshing the wine around and looking at it as if it’s magical unicorn blood.
8. It’s wine, for God’s sake.
9. In an hour it will be urine, same as Bud Light.
I never order wine. I will drink a glass if offered at a gathering, but I almost always order beer.
Unless I'm in a bourbon mood.